This year, at MALINNA, we decided to approach the celebration of motherhood a little differently. We wanted to show that every mom is different and comparing motherhood can really hurt. Mothers often feel very strong pressure from the environment (including their own) to fit into the "good mom" box, which is an exhausting and practically impossible task. That's why we approached two mom friends who have many things in common in motherhood, yet they are completely different, to have an honest conversation about the beginnings of motherhood.
How they changed, what they learned and how they perceive it in retrospect. The goal of the interview was not inspiration on how to be a good mom, but an effort to show that every woman is looking for herself in the role of mother and that everyone has her own individual path. We believe that these differences make motherhood unique and deserve to be celebrated.
Zuz was part of the trio of women who founded Pokojovky, but currently she is mainly devoted to her own project Story of a Tablecloth, in which she sews from second-hand fabrics and unique hand-embroidered tablecloths. He has a son Elias (3 years old).
Martina deals with influencer marketing and PR for local Czech and Slovak brands in the Czech Republic, and devotes a lot of time to MALINNA. Now she and her husband are also building a passive cottage from sustainable materials. She has a daughter Max (4 years old).
M: How would you say that your mentality changed after Eliáš was born? What has changed about you?
Z: In my opinion, the perception of time has changed very drastically. Even before, I had the feeling that there were too few hours in the day. That I was simply there, I worked a lot, I met a lot of people and I had the feeling that time was flying by. Since Eliáš's birth, I feel very strongly that every day has many more hours than I previously perceived. Some stretch, especially when they were younger. But now I simply just have them. So I think it was probably the most striking.
M: And in relationships?
Z: I think that also influenced me positively, I became very close to the mothers in my area. Before, I couldn't even imagine that you could be so close to someone and it wasn't your partner or your mother. When we talk about the relationship with mom, on the contrary, it has cooled down a bit. Suddenly I wasn't the center of the universe, Elijah was the center of the universe, so he no longer asks how you are, but what about Elijah. It seems to me that no one talks about it, no one warned me.
M: Haha, that didn't occur to me that much, but maybe it's also because I met a lot of people who didn't even plan to have children and they were still very interested in how I was doing. But of course the main interest of mom and mother-in-law is 100% Max. Maybe it has improved a little over time, but it is still true.
Me, mom
Z: You've changed a lot, haven't you?
M: Yes! Terrible! Or at least she got a little lost for a while. Because I thought she had to be different and let herself be absorbed by the role of mother, even though I started working after 4 months. And it took almost a year and a half before I realized, "aha", I don't have to be just a mom. It was a big difference, which can also be seen on my IG as my "beige period" :D.
Z: Yes, I totally remember when you started wearing blue again. I didn't have this at all, of course I didn't work at all in the beginning, but I was still doing something. I was either sewing or freezing or making something and I never had the feeling that I was "just a mom". Of course, it's not that freezing is an important task, but I simply somehow supported myself with the little things that I do all my life, and I wasn't just with my son. At that time, I was also still writing a blog and I didn't think about the fact that I was actually saving myself, but in retrospect I perceive the whole thing as a great psychological hygiene. Thanks to that, I always felt like myself and I wasn't absorbed so much by the fact that there are only playgrounds and bedrooms.
M: That's the difference, those "small" interests. A big part of my identity is definitely my social life, which makes me happy and keeps me mentally well, and I have come to terms with that. My "party life" was also a part of it, which is completely different now, I don't drink at all now and I just go out more to listen to music and it's different than when I was 26, but at the same time I need it and it's something I don't have to have all the time, but it's a part of me that doesn't completely fit with motherhood.
Z: I can see exactly how you started going out again and being "Martina". But at the same time, my personal interests are more closely aligned with the public idea of what mothers should be, and that made it easier for me. Since mom being at home and making toys is more acceptable than mom going to parties, I didn't have to defend it to anyone.
M: What about work and motherhood?
Z: I was fully on maternity leave for half a year, but then I came back gradually and worked only when he was asleep and gradually added more. When I weaned him in a year and a half, I started going to work two days a week and I enjoyed work, because after the time when I didn't work, I started to appreciate it again. And I didn't even decide if I was going to work or not, Pokojovky is also my company and they simply counted on me. But more than the fact that I work, it was more important for me that my husband had the opportunity to be with Eliáš all day from his tender age. We wouldn't even have thought of that if I wasn't working and it was normal for a man to see the child only on weekends. David could simply arrange that when I worked, he didn't work. The fact that they are alone together was even more important to me than the fact that I have time just for myself. I would like to have this opportunity for every woman and every man, but I don't think there is anything wrong with being on maternity leave and not working.
M: I started working after 4 months, because it simply made more sense. My husband was entitled to super paternity as an employee, and I was not, as a self-employed person. And it was certainly challenging, but I'm really glad that he went to the father's day. He never made me feel that he shouldn't be able to handle it, and he always considered himself an equal parent, and I really appreciated that in him. I think that is also why they have such a very close relationship with Maxie. Now I would say that he even has a downright "daddy" period. But at the same time, after giving birth, I began to value my time more and began to think about how and with what I would fill it. And my work for a clothing brand, which certainly cannot be considered environmental, stopped making sense to me. I wanted to work for a company that does not harm the planet. So, when I stopped working 8 months after giving birth, it came at the right time because Max needed me a lot then and I took a break from work.
Z: That's exactly it. An hour without a child lasts four. I mean, that time is terribly precious...but go on.
M: Yes! And that's why I started thinking hard if the time at work helps me feel good. I wanted to work with good people and participate in projects where the environment is a priority, and this was my main criterion in looking for another job, even though I doubted myself and was afraid that the right job wouldn't come and I was starting from scratch in another field. But over time, the whole thing crystallized in the right direction. For example, because I started working for MALINNA
Being a mother and not going crazy
Z: That is the gift of having a child. That it will help you figure out some things very quickly. And of course you can get there without a child, but it's a lot of work on yourself before you realize what your value is and how precious time is. With a child, you can reach this after only a few months. You'll get there or you'll go crazy. Actually, it is very easy to go crazy with children, because having children is difficult.
M: YES! In this, I feel that we are both very privileged, that we have the means not to go crazy. I mean information, but also time and space. It's not entirely my fault that I didn't "go crazy", it's my situation and my privilege that I have the means not to go crazy. Even though I didn't work and we only had my parents', we didn't have a lot of money, but we had enough money so that we didn't suffer and I had time to think about what I was going to do next. It's rare to have a chance not to go crazy. Do you understand what I mean?
Z: Absolutely. Most mothers have a partner at work for five days from morning to night, or they may not even have a partner. What we live in is a gift, sometimes I'm ashamed to say it out loud, and I don't have a BMW in my garage.
M: That's right. What about your relationship with David and motherhood, how did it change him?
Z: Ugh. The first year after the birth of a child is very difficult, even if you have the support of your partner and family, and as wonderful as the whole period of six months is, it changes a lot. I don't know a woman in my area who hasn't breastfed, so I can't compare how the hormones and the body are in women who breastfeed, but I was so terribly "touched" that I couldn't bear even one more touch from someone else. And that's especially compared to when I weaned Eliáš, when I felt completely different from month to month, as if my body was my body again and how suddenly my life as a woman and mother was much better, I remember that quite strongly.
That whole year was difficult in the relationship, but not for one specific thing, I don't even remember exactly what, just in general, and that somehow we had to find each other again. But in retrospect, I thought that it was actually a good thing, that this is the first year, that the partners will not break up right away, after all, you have such a small child that you don't even have time to break up. But at the same time, it was so difficult that if we treated each other like that and we didn't have a child, I'm probably thinking about breaking up, that it doesn't work for us. But we had Elijah, so of course it didn't even occur to me, only in retrospect. So it really shook us.
On the other hand, the parents get such a common hobby together. I remember how we had a difficult day, but then in the evening they looked at Eliáš's photos together in love. He was the creation of our common love, so it was in some ways the most beautiful and the hardest period at the same time.
M: Yes, exactly. I remember how we once talked about it on the playground and said to each other that you have to have a really great relationship to be able to screw it up with your child. So I perceived this exactly the same way, it was very challenging. At least you know that it's better if you can support each other.
